Happy Friendship Day!

So apparently today is International Friendship Day!

We live in an age where we can strike up a new friendship with the click of a mouse, where our 'friends', many of whom we’ve never even met, can number into the hundreds, or even thousands, thanks to social networking sites like Facebook, Instagram, Twitter, TicToc and others. And yet, despite all the connections and links and 'likes' about everything from what we cooked for dinner last night to whom we’re voting for in the next election, most people are hungry for something more, for friendships that dip below the surface to touch the soul.

One of the questions I get asked often as a religious sister is if I can have friends. Usually my answer is : “my friends keep me sane!” and this is true! I am blessed to have people in my life who enrich my existence simply by being in it. They have learned to read me and I allow them to read me. However, the beauty of friendship is that, because it is rooted in Christ, our true friends want to see us continue to grow, even if when that process is painful. And we want the same for them. The writer of Proverbs says that friends help to sharpen us, to become sharp spiritually a little bit at a time. Friends are always challenging us and even pushing us to be all that God wants for us to be.

We might find it hard to give friends objective advice, unrelated to the person we want them to be. We can be reluctant to allow each other to change, sometimes falling out in a way that is painful for all involved. And yet, friendships are vitally important; central to our enjoyment of life. So who do you turn to when you’re in trouble or having something very special to share. If you want a litmus test for choosing friends, use this question: Will spending time with this person make me want to be a better person?  As Henri Nouwen writes: “When we honestly ask ourselves which person in our lives means the most to us, we often find that it is those who, instead of giving advice, solutions, or cures, have chosen rather to share our pain and touch our wounds with a warm and tender hand.” 

Sometimes; the value of friendship is something that few people take time to really appreciate. When you need a friend, you realise just what kind of value friendship holds. Think of the television sitcom “Cheers,” as the theme song says, “Sometimes you want to go where everybody knows your name, and they’re always glad you came; you want to be where you can see, our troubles are all the same; you want to be where everybody knows your name!”.

Often in our lives we have a lot of people in our lives whom we could call acquaintances. But we  may only have a very few that we could term “real friends.” Some one has suggested that we have been successful in life if we have enough close friends to act as pall bearers at our funeral! One can take this to a level deeper and speak of spiritual friendships. St. Aelred says that a true friend is a “guardian of the spirit.” In Christian friendship there are three persons involved, St. Aelred says to his young friend Ivo: ‘Here we are, you and I, and I hope a third, Christ, in our midst.’ Authentic Christian friendship must ‘begin in Christ, continue in Christ and be perfected in Christ.’

In our lives, we value friends, but the path of friendship, like love, rarely runs smooth. Friends can make our life beautiful. Friends can change you, friends must change you! True friends are hard to find so hold on to the ones you still have, they are precious. However there is always space for new friends who share your values and are on the same wavelength as you. There is a lovely phrase which reads: "A true friend also knows when to give you your space, but still be around at the same time. The true friend knows how to be there for you even when you don’t think you need them there." There is always hidden beauty in real friendship that often takes us a long time to discover.

As Christians, these are the kinds of friendships we aspire to because they lead us to the fullness of life which Christ has promised. Even in this age of social networking and instant communication, those kinds of deep and lasting bonds can be forged between any two friends who find common ground in God. May God bless all those who have been friends to me in the past and who continue to walk as pilgrims upon the Way!